I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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