I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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