my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
