for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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