Is it normal to miss your booty call?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
