All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it's like iHOP with fire
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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