I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
