Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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