Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
