I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
