I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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