There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
