i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize