you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
