tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
