don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
