How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize