fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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