umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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