I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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