guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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