just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
