She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
