So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize