I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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