You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
