Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
