Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
