I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
