I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
