why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
