the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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