the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
