omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
