i jhust puked up my retainher.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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