so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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