Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
