plz talk dirty to me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
