i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
