Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
