Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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