Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
