I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
