$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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