So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
