cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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