wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
