So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize