He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
