i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You are a genius and a whore.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
