Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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