Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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