she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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