he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I did not marry a roomba.
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