I accidentally burped into my bong.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize