I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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