respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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