I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
