Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
