I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
