but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize