he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
