yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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