I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize