It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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