I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
