I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
