Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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