He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
