For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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