oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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