It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
