Sry I called you an 8
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
