Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want her autograph on my taint
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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