If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
