Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
