i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
