If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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