Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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