Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
