If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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