is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
