I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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