is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
