my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
