I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
