Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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