a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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