I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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