Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My friends, they love my intelligence
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
