I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
