i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am available for nakedness
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
