somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm jealous of your bromance
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
