i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
