i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
