ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
