Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
