I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
