We're facebook friends in real life
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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