Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
