Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
