At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i think my cat just said my name.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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