Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize