Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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