Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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