I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
