i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
