I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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