im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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