is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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