i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
