and my herpes radar will keep us safe
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
