Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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