everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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