i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
