he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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