I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize