Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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