all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
