you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
