Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
