i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
