Soap is not a condiment
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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